i am not an artist

i am not an artist
i scream
as i bury my head
in the pillow
that soon becomes sand.

it enters my mouth,
nose and ears.
it chokes me
The Fear to do or
make anything
haunts me
until i can no longer breath.

no longer taste
the afternoon sun or listen
to the news.
bombs drop, hearts stop
yet i stand there
too scared to jump
to utter the words
yes, i am an artist